I still think of you
by barrani
Summary: The FBI broke them up. What will they do? Can they cope
1. Chapter 1

A/N If you read my story "A Long night" there is a message on my profile about that story. As ever I own nothing including the song "One for my baby"

It's quarter to three

There's no one in the place except you and me

So set em up Joe I got a little story

You outta know

He looked at the drink in his hand. It wasn't working. He wasn't getting happier and he wasn't forgetting. He looked around the empty bar. There was no one there but him and the bartender. He thought about talking to him but, how cliché is that? He took a long drink. The burn wasn't enough. This pain couldn't be burned away. He was going to have to suffer, and he couldn't see any way out.

We're drinking my friend to the end

Of a brief episode

So make it one for my baby

And one more for the road

I know the routine  
Put another nickel in that there machine  
Im feeling so bad  
Wont you make the music dreamy and sad 

He walked over to the jukebox. Music is a balm for the weary soul. Maybe it would help. He looked over the choices and his eyes fell on a song that was so apt it was almost funny. He put in his quarters and closed his eyes. The music started slow and sad. He started to sway. Frank Sinatra's voice came on over the speakers. He liked Fred Astaire's version better, but Frank did an ok job. 

I could tell you a lot  
But you gotta to be true to your code  
So make it one for my baby  
And one more for the road

He wasn't going to dance at least not like Fred did. He wasn't going to destroy anything either. He was just going to drink. Drink until it all went away. Even if it was only for the night.

You'd never know it  
But buddy I'm a kind of poet  
And I've got a lot of things I wanna say  
And if I'm gloomy, please listen to me  
Till it's all, all talked away 

Dave walked into the bar. He could hear the music. He shook his head. He looked at the bartender. The bartender motioned into a back corner. Hotch sat there in the dark a bottle of whiskey half drunk in front of him. Dave walked over. Hotch didn't acknowledge him. Dave sat down across from him. "Does the whiskey help?"

"It doesn't hurt."

"Not yet anyway. Tomorrow I think you will singing a different tune. Speaking of tunes, this song really. Isn't it a little cliché?"

"Most people have never heard this song. It's only cliché to old people like us. And besides I've always liked this song. And cliché or not it fit."

"I'm so sorry Aaron."

"Is there anything you can do?"

"No I've just spent the last couple of hours trying to fight it. I got nowhere. It's their ballgame. You have to play by their rules."

"Their rules suck."

"That they do. But they aren't going to change anytime soon. Have you guys decided?"

"We're going to do the only thing we can."

"What about-"

"It wouldn't work. You know that."

"Yeah. You're right this sucks. Pour me a drink."

Well, that's how it goes  
And Joe I know you're getting anxious to close  
So thanks for the cheer  
I hope you didn't mind  
My bending your ear 

They sat in silence and drank in the dark. They drank long into the night. They drank until the sun awoke from its slumber and started to peek out over the horizon. But the pain never went away. It was never going to go away.

But this torch that I found  
Its gotta be drowned  
Or it soon might explode  
So make it one for my baby  
And one more for the road 

A/N So the reference to Fred Dancing and destroying stuff comes from the movie "The Sky's the Limit". You can see the whole sequence on youtube if you type in Fred Astaire one for my baby. It's not the best version of the song though. Review and maybe you good fortune will find you.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N So to anyone that is reading this story I apologize for how long it took me to update. I don't like this story. When I wrote it I was in a bad space. And I don't think it's quite as good as the other stuff I've written. But I'm going to finish it.

As ever I own nothing.

The team was going out. No one invited Hotch. They all knew the answer. They wished there was something they could do. But there was nothing they could do about the hand they had been dealt.

Emily looked at the man she still loved. She hated the fact that they couldn't be together. She missed him. She missed talking to him. She missed being with him and Jack. She missed him in her arms. She missed having him in her bed. It had been a year since she had last been with him. The longest year of her life. Even the long teenage years that had been filled with loneliness, sadness, and cruelty hadn't been as long. Not even her fifteenth year. Being apart from Aaron was worse.

The only reason she had been able to survive was Jack. Aaron wouldn't separate the two of them. Jack stayed over at least once a week, if they weren't on a case. And she got to see him a couple of days a week as well. Aaron never came though, it was too hard. For both of them. They didn't want to break up. The Bureau had forced them. They had found out about their relationship, and they had given them an ultimatum. Break up or one had to transfer out. They had broken up. Their relationship was too young, and they knew that if one of them transferred out they would eventually resent the other. They wouldn't want to, but they would. And neither of them could do that to each other. They loved each other too much. So they did the hard thing.

She still cried when she thought about that night. After they had had sex, they laid in each other's arms and held each other. It lasted forever and it lasted for only a moment. Neither wanted the morning to come. Since then they had tried to avoid being alone together. They paired up on occasion, but it was hard. The connectivity and mindreading only reminded them they couldn't be together. The team took it hard. Dave had tried fighting the ultimatum, but it was a lost cause. Hotch had withdrawn from the team. Sometimes she wondered who suffered more. Hotch had had a horrible year, he had nearly lost everything. And then he had lost her. Her heart broke for all of the pain he had suffered.

She hated Erin Strauss. She hadn't liked her before, she hadn't had much reason to like her. Not after all she had done to her and the team. But now after what she had done to Aaron, and to her, she hated Strauss. She knew the breakup had been all Strauss, one last ditch effort to get rid of Aaron. And if he stayed then Strauss still won Aaron would be forced to suffer.

She knew now that if she had to make the same choice she would choose him. She would always choose him. It didn't matter what it cost. He was worth it. But she couldn't force him to make that choice.

She took one last look at him before she got in the elevator. He was working. She thought about telling him to go home. But she couldn't. She stared at him until the closing elevator doors blocked him from view. _Aaron I still love you. If only we could be together. Just know I will love you forever._

She was going to drink tonight. She was going to drink long and hard. The drinking helped her forget. And then she would find a warm body. The body stopped her from remembering. At least until the morning. In the morning the body wouldn't be him. And the loneliness and pain that she had been running from would catch up to her. And she would cry. And there was no end in sight.

A/N Let me know what you think. Reviews make me smile.


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